"If Life Throws you a Lemon - Make Lemonade." ~ Joan Collins

I briefly blogged about my broken lawn mower a week or so ago. This thing has been nothing but a thorn in my side since I acquired it last fall. I aint gettin NO lemonade outta this P.O.S. It was supposed to be this great deal on a riding lawn mower - the owner took SUCH GOOD care of it, supposedly he even waxed it when he washed it! This thing is supposed to ride like a PHAT caddy, big ol grass catcher on the back and all. Not to mention a WHOPPING 52" cut on it! It will mow my yard in less than 30 minutes! Wow - how did I EVER get so lucky? So, it like... mowed my yard once & there were issues with the steering. As in -- the wheels mysteriously felt as if they would wobble right off! So, I think it made it through 1 more mowing for the year & K worked on the steering - 100 more dollars invested. However, the steering still wouldn't cooperate. So over the winter I didn't know you had to periodically start the lawn mower to keep the battery alive. So the battery was dead, 3 tires were flat, the choke cable was broken, the starter was bad, a lower belt on the deck was broken, and the steering was still screwed. Sigh.... what is a single girl to do with a broken lawn mower that won't even start or roll with flat tires. So, my yard got so huge this spring it caused an allergic reaction in my dog when I put her outside for a couple of days. All the weeds were up to my knees. So my dad helps me out and comes to load my _______ lemon lawn mower to his favorite crew of mechanics so they can fix me up. So, after several rounds of parts ordering this crew is finally convinced they have me ready to mow! FINALLY!!!! I can be an independent home owner!!! Who needs a man, right?

So, all week I was looking forward to cruising on my phat mower and making my yard look sweet!!! I change my clothes after work today and get on the mower and I get a "eeeeeeeeeeeekknnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy" this thing won't start. Great. P.O.S! So I call my dad and he comes over to jump it off & we discover it has no gas. Brilliant, Holly. So I make a quick run to the gas station and get 5 gallons of gas. Rush back, we fill 'er up and it finally starts!!! So my dad takes off on it and he gets about 2 rows trimmed and we notice the grass catcher is clogging up and dropping huge mounds of grass. We say to heck with that thing and disconnect it. He mows one more round and I look up and the front wheel is like.... literally 15 yards from the mower. Super.... :-/ So, he rigs it up somehow and gets the wheel back on and off he goes again! We're in business now!

Only until this thing starts sputtering - and eventually dies. We roll it around to my front yard and jump it off again and it starts fine. Ok... well. Whatever. It mows 1 row of grass in my backyard and sputter sputter sputter... there it goes again and it dies and I am just READY to get the baseball bat out and beat the daylights out of this _____________ ___________ _____________ lemon lawn mower.

Excuse me, but GOOD FREAKIN GRIEF!!! I keep waiting for that lemonade......... I disagree with that quote. My version is -- If life throws you a lemon, TRASH IT! Don't try to fix a lawn mower!!!! And my version of that quote should be my new strategy in life. If you are presented with what appears to be a SWEET sitution.... you better just mow with it a few times and see how it works when the going gets tough. The new (or the wax) will wear off. More times than not, it was not a sweet deal to begin with. You keep putting time & money into this thing & it keeps fizzling out on you. It would really just rather you do all the work and stay out of it's way. Don't ask anything of it. Just continue to invest resources into this selfish piece -- after all -- you shouldn't expect anything out of it to begin with. It doesn't answer to YOU! You just hold up your end of the bargain & when it gets ready to mow -- it will mow. Until then - let me take up space in your life -- or your garage -- I'll let you know when I need you. DITCH HIM! Or IT! My post-marathon resolution is - DITCH ALL THE LEMONS IN YOUR LIFE.

Anybody in the market for a lawn mower? ;-)

Sigh.......... the joys of owning a home as a single woman -- trying to keep it together and never making progress. I appreciate the fellow who stiffed me on this crappy lemon lawn mower.