"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." ~Dan Rather

Courage... that's what I saw in my mother's eyes today. My heart cried with my sweet momma today as she was faced with fighting a battle.

Kathy Diane Matthews vs Fear.

My mom has been in excruciating pain since February 12 with bulging discs in her neck - C5/C6 & C6/C7. She has struggled through physical pain in her neck, arms and hands as well as weariness, fatigue, and most of all - fear. Today was the day that was set to take care of this problem. That's a good thing. The end is in sight. However, does it get much scarier than someone poking around on your spinal cord? We arrived at the hospital at 6am. Me, Lana and my aunt Dana. About 15 minutes after my mom and dad. When we walked in, my eyes met my mom's eyes. She's scared. I would have gladly taken her place. Seeing my momma scared hurts me. I looked at my Daddy. Daddy's nervous. I bet we hadn't been there 5 minutes and they called her back to prep her for surgery. What?? So soon? I want to sit with her. I want to talk with her and tell her how strong I know she is. "Sorry folks... we just need the patient." LUMP in my throat. As I heard those double doors slam behind her, I wept inside of me. "I want to do it for her. That's my momma & she's scared. Please be good to her. Don't leave her alone in there. She's scared. I'm scared." I looked at my watch. Lana and my dad went back to be with her for a few minutes. Our youth minister had a prayer with her.

Kathy Diane Matthews WINS!

Soon it was time for them to take her to surgery & they weren't allowing anymore family members back. 9:17am to be exact. Those minutes ticked by slowly as I silently prayed for God to hold her. Right around 9:25 we get the call - "Matthews family??" That's us. I jump up - anxious to hear that things are well. The doctor informs us the surgery went well & everything looks good. My heart leaped for joy! She was very scared about nausea after the surgery. This is something we had spent a lot of time praying about. I had personally pleaded with God to not allow this! God is good. God answered that prayer (and many others!) & she did not have to deal with after surgery nausea!! It wasn't long until she was walking, talking, laughing & once again... reaffirming how blessed she is. And once again... I am reminded of how truly blessed I am to have her. She is so courageous, so strong. Such an awesome example to me. She did it! Now we are on the road to recovery & I am excited about that!!! There will be struggles, pain and weakness, but with her courage and determination it is merely just one more bridge to cross. If anybody can do it, SHE can :-)



I couldn't help but to be reminded of the Celine Dion song "Because you Loved Me." This song has always reminded me of my mom. Her love for me is as deep as I've ever seen or felt any love. I am not worthy of it at all, but there is nothing I could do to make her stop loving me. There's just one place that kind of love comes from.... our God. On the same token, my love for her is indescribable. I just hope that in the upcoming weeks I can be there for her as she has continuously done for me.

If you have a moment, view the music video below and celebrate with me for what Jesus did for us so that we can experience moments of courage, truth & love like I have felt today & everyday with my mom.

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." ~Mary Manin Morrissey

I could not WAIT to be able to sleep in this morning. I've waited all week for this. I went to bed around midnight last night (Fri) savoring in the thoughts of how sweet it would feel to sleep as long as I'd like. I can sleep the rest of that parasite right on outta me and I am going to feel SPRY for mountain biking!!! 7:30am I am awakened by the loudest most obnoxious chainsaw in the state of Tennessee. My lovely redneck _____ _________ ______ CLOWN of a neighbor decided he would SAW down bushes by his house at 7:30 on a Saturday morning literally 20 yards from my bedroom window. This neighbor is the one who has the 1973 (& I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt) chevy pickup with no windows (not even plastic with duck tape) that he apparently must MAUL on the gas pedal every morning by 7am in order for it to run. It is so loud he makes my windows rattle & each time I am convinced there's a terrible thunder storm coming through. The joys of a subdivision :-)

On a more positive note, I did something great today. It made me feel awesome! I fixed water bottles, gathered bicycle goods, put my Gary Fisher on the bike rack & headed to Columbia, Chickasaw Trace. As in..... ALONE. That's right folks. All by mySELF! I questioned my sanity at times while getting ready. Am I fool? I do not know how to fix a flat on this bike, I do not know how to do ANYTHING to this bike but reset my computer and clip in my pedals. I am no bike maintenance person. Thus -- it isn't smart to go alone. But... my plan all week was to mountain bike on Saturday & nobody wanted to go but me. I thought of every excuse in the world that I should back out. The bottom line is -- if I want to race in the Chickasaw Classic race next weekend, I gotta go. I can't show up for that race & not ridden the course at MINIMUM one more time. If I don't go today, my @ss aint racing! I had to talk to myself..."Holly just go. Right now you're scared, but think of how much better you'll feel when you make this journey on your own. You're a big girl! Saddle up. Throw your fears aside and stop being so conservative. Don't let fear keep you from reaching your goal." So, I strike out for Chicki!!! Just ME :-) Just 1 bike :-)

So just me and my bike trek off to Columbia. We get there and man was that the spot to be! Cars everywhere. Looks like there may be lots of participants this year in the race. Cool! I get all of my gear on & take off on my bike. Oh boy... I just couldn't believe I have the guts to do this on my own. Mtn biking kicks my BUTT & I've been known to have some pretty nasty crashes! I made the first rocky section further than ever this time before I pushed over the freakin boulders that they are trying to kill us with! Jumped back on the bikey and tried to go fast. I easily made several sections I've hesitated on before. Miles 4-6 are all climbing. I tried to find spots in the trail that were safe and open enough to hammer so I could increase my overall avg speed and decrease my total time. I finally made it to the end of the 8.25 mile trail with a total ride time of 59:25!!!! Yay! Last time my total ride time was 1:04. I was SO pleased! This is still not good enough to bring home much better than last place at the race, but guys...... you just have no idea how far I've come!

I loaded up my stuff with a big smile on my face and headed out. The whole way home I heard 1 great song after another on the radio. It made for a great, sunny, warm, satisfying ride home. I decided I'd celebrate with a french manicure in the boro! HA! Have you EV-ER?!!?!?! This chik goes mountain biking, and stops on her way home at the nail shop? lol. Yeah... who says mountain bikers can't have pretty nails anyways? :-) I found it to be a bit unordinary... but again - it's cute to be unordinary. I guess? lol.

Attacked by Parasite(s)

So... I have my whole week planned out. It's gonna fall together like bread and butter. Sunday I'm going to run semi-long, so I did my 8.5 miles. I'm going to run again on Monday because Tuesday I want to mountain bike. Wednesday I want to run again. I'm going to push Thursday in as a rest day because Friday morning I'm goin to go for that 18 miler! I might have a chance at CMM after all!

Monday it was windy during lunch hours... I just didn't have it in me to run through the wind. Fine... I'll hit the rec tonight and that will also give me the option to lift some weights, do abs, etc.... Summer is well on it's way. Sleeveless shirts and shorts are in sight - get your tone on, Holly.

6:15-ish I hit the treadmill thinking I'll do about 4. Dangitt! I left my water bottle at home. Oh well! But then at like.... 3.5 I get the urge to go 5 miles. So I finished my 5 miles in 46:39, dying of thirst I head to the water fountain looking sheepishly at it and thinking "yikes! I hate those things!!! Tons of sweaty, heavy- breathing people getting their mouths milimeters from the same nozzle and slurping water just grosses me out. There has to be germs all over those things no matter how careful you are... you know they JUMP out on you! I'll keep my distance, grab a quick drink and I'll be good." Then I headed over to do some incline press and then work with free weights. Then a few abs... out the door I go! Nice workout - very pleased :-)

Onto my parents' house. Mom fixed my favorite -- pintos and sour krout. I walk in, fix myself a plate and INDULGE. Ahhh... it tastes so good. I come home feeling rejuvinated, get in bed around 11pm and fall fast asleep. zzzzz.....zzzzzz....zzzzzzz....

1am my eyes are open. Blink. Blink. Ummm... am I dreaming? I feel funny. "Close your eyes and go back to sleep Holly." Blink. Blink. I'm feeling funny AND funky. Uh-oh... sumthin's gotta give. I roll over. Whoa... GIIIIRL - you betta HIGH STEP IT! I had several rounds of severe diarhea and I think "well something obviously didn't set too well. I still feel really weird but I'm goin back to bed. I'll sleep it off." 1:10am eyes are open. Blink. What's goin on with me? I am feeling a bit pukey. I think I better be safe and go sit in the bathroom awhile. Boy am I glad I did. I projected tons of pinto beans, corn bread and sour krout into the toilet - several HUGE wooshes out of my mouth. OMG that hurt! OMG my throat is on FIRE! OMG I'm so sick. I crawl across the bathroom only to make it to the garbage can where I hurled some MORE! I can't hold my head up at this point. I called my parents. My dad told me not to move and rushed over around 1:30-ish. He came in, helped me clean matters up and got me settled back into bed. 2am - I'm running to the bathroom puking again. This time from the abrupt attempt at getting my head in the toilet I was not exactly too successful. My poor dad. He would barely get the mop put down before he was using it again. This went on literally all night - until around 6:30-7am. I totalled up 7 episodes from the mouth and 13 from the other end!!!

I was so thirsty I could not stand it. But each time I would eat 2-3 small ice chips it wasn't 20 minutes till I was back on that freshly mopped floor or my head was stuck in the mop bucket throwing up. By around 4-5am I am feeling very dehydrated. Very fever-ish.... whatever that was - I declared it a death sentence. I needed some liquids but was so afraid to try. I remember racking my brain - "Who would I know that might have an IV needle handy?" Mom came over around 7:30 and brought me some sprite and jello & anything else she could possibly think of to help. I was able to hold this down. Am I lucky or what? I have been weak from this ordeal since Tuesday. Today (Friday) is the first day I've been able to actually EAT anything. Thank goodness for parents who love me!!!! A sister, Lana, who brought me a plate of food, fruit, drinks & even a new toothbrush! I really do not know what I would have done without them. This was undoubtedly the worst sickness I've ever been plagued with. It really lasted about 3 full days. Body aches from head to toe, exreme fatigue, nausea, and the rest of it.

Needless to say, since I am finally feeling back to about 75% today... my 18 mile plan did not come through. :-/ I did 3.5 instead and it was ALL I could do on no fuel. Sigh.................

Gaining strenth... but it's not gonna be enough

I wanted to run long (long for me) on Saturday but everytime I'd go to get dressed, I would hear more thunder. So finally after 3 attempts I gave up, took a shower and K & I headed to N'ville to Cumberland Transit and then to J Alexander's for dinner. So that left it for Sunday afternoon. Ugh... I really do not like to waste a serene Sunday in my running shoes. I like being lazy on Sundays. I strike out from the middle school, out to Lincoln street for a royal trail loop, then around Heritage Place, right on Oak Drive and back through hwy 41 and hwy 55..... hoping this made-up loop in my head will be somewhere close to 10 miles. I was a bit short - however, very satisfied with my effort and distance. I had that tight/dead feeling in my legs so I figured I had pushed enough and when I got back to my car, I was at 8.5 and I called it a day.

I see that I am not going to reach my goal for CMM. So I am just going to do the best I can do and mainly try to enjoy the marathon. I am hoping I can run long this weekend.... we will see. I am having to be really cautious with my knees. I am also trying to incorporate biking into this marathon schedule because I am included on a relay team for the Gulf Coast half ironman on May 5.... and I'm the biker chik :-) So that is a 56 mile bike ride.... without much time for preparation. I am also craving to race at the Chickasaw Trace Classic mtn bike race on March 30. Seems like the last 2 weekends have been covered with rain and I'm not able to go to the trail and learn it. Not sure if that will be a sucess either. But I have goals - and even though I may not perform to the best of my abilities - on those days -- I'll do all I can do, and it will be my first for both a mtn bike race and a marathon. I'm ok with that. I don't get real caught up in trying to break a record or being number 1, 2, or 3. I like to enjoy myself more than being on a podium. Especially when it's my first attempt at something. So... all of that to say I ran 8.5 miles yesterday in 1:14. I think that is somewhere around an 8:42 pace.

Last Thursday Lana and I rode the 13.5 mile mountain bike trail at AEDC. Boy was that a fun ride!!! Total ride time: 1:34 averaging 8.6mph That is a PR for me! Yay!

Daddy's Little Girl

Today is a really special day in my family. Today is my daddy's birthday!!! We all celebrated Monday night at the Olive Garden. I have been blessed with the best dad one could ever ask for - no matter how biased that may sound - I believe it and that's what counts :-)

Well, I am pleased with this week thus far. I have managed to exercise 3 days in a row - that's a great reason to finish off the week as good or better than you started it!!! I did another test-run on the knee today. Good to go!!! :-) YIPPEEEE!! Virtually no pain. Right around 1/2 mile there was a bit of discomfort but I slowed my pace down a little bit and tried to get my mind off of it. 2 weeks of rest was the right prescription! No side stitch today - however... running is just HARD. 4 miles = 36:32.

I've been on my trainer a lot lately and it got me to thinking about how if my heartrate is out of control, I can just change gears and give myself a bit of relief and recover. But in running.... I suppose you can slow your pace down some and sorta kind recover -- but there is really no recovery involved in a run. You have NOTHING to help you out. No gears to rescue you. It's just you - and the hard @ss pavement. You are all the power you have. You have almost no momentum to carry you, unlike on a bike. It's just a totally different workout. I am still so out of breath when running!!! It's that terrible out-of-shape feeling! I am hoping this is going to subside with a few more runs and I will feel like a runner again instead of a stomper! I have no idea where I'm going to go from here.... my training plan is shot. I had an 18 miler on my schedule for last week. I'm not sure when I should actually try that. Should I give it about a week before I run long? 2 weeks? I don't know. I am 7 weeks from race-day and have only peaked at 16 miles. OMG - I'm in trouble! I'm supposed to start tapering in about 4 weeks! This is not good.

Congratulations to Lana for blistering the infamous "ALTO" climb yesterday. That is TOOOOOOO awesome! :-)

Starting Over from the Bottom

Today I planned to take my left knee on a test drive... I haven't noticed as much tenderness or soreness lately. I haven't run on it in almost 2 weeks and that was only a 3 miler. Since then I have vowed to do no running until I can do it almost pain-free or until I've seen a doctor. So this past week I rode my trainer for 55 minutes Tues night, 1 hour Thursday night and 1 hour and 10 minutes on Saturday.

I am expecting around a 1/2 mile for the pain to set in and intensify around 1.5 so bad that I will be back in the same boat. So, at lunch I slide into my short sleeve tech shirt and went out for a leisurely jog in 62 degrees. Goal? 3 miles. No pace, no nothing. Just trying to see how much progress I've made with no weight bearing activites for 2 weeks. Just an experiment. There is something serene about a run where there are no expectations, no set pace you feel compelled to hit, and no certain distance you are locked into because "the plan says so."

Mile 0.5 - feeling good. Hmmm.... COOL! Mile 1.0 - nothing. No pain. Still doing well except for this gosh-awful side stitch that is in my extreme lower abdomen on my right side. Talk about a CRAMP! Ouch. Usually I push right through anyting like this and heck -- it's been forever since I've gotten one. What is wrong? Am I already totally out of shape so bad I'm starting over and my body is freaking? Have I forgotten how to breathe? My legs felt heavy, I didn't have any sort of rhythym in my stride or my breathing. I think the 2 week break made my body forget how to run!!! I couldn't take the pain anymore. I walked 50 yards pressing it as hard as I could until it went away. Mile 1.5..... a slight twinge of pain in the knee. Hmmm... Ok, so if I have to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 I would say my pain level was only 1.5!!! I can tolerate that. However, I do not want to push it. Still sticking to 3 miles. It took me 27:23 for the measley 3 mile run. That's ok though! I am back in my running shoes. I may have forgotten how to run or how to breathe, but I can start over can't I? I've done this before -- just not on week 10 of a marathon training plan! :-/

A couple of verses in a Cher song "Starting Over"

Starting over again
From the second time around
Coming back to win
Starting over again
Take the first step
And let it begin
Starting over, starting over

Take another look inside
Where you always have a fight
Never dream of giving up, never
No looking back

Black Betty - UPGRADED ~ Aerostyle :-)))

"The secret to mountain biking is pretty simple. The slower you go the more likely it is you'll crash." ~Julie Furtado

Sunday was beautiful -- in every definition of beauty. There is nothing more peaceful and liberating than when the seasons begin to change. 70 degrees and breezy. I caught myself sitting out on my deck at 10am with a simple bottle of water, a tank top and an old pair of shorts soaking it up. If there had been any dandilions in my yard, I would have pretended to be a little girl and picked them. That's how excited I was over this weather! I felt intoxicated by the sunshine. No sunglasses, no sun block, no pony-tail holder... I wanted to take as much in as possible. Wonderful way to start the day--besides not going to church. I do believe there are times when one can commune with God just as easily or easier in the presence of no one but himself. Surrounded in the pureness of his creation with nothing to distract. It was nice.

K picked me up at 1:30 and we headed to Chickasaw Trace mountain bike trails! It takes an hour 15 from my house. We pulled into the park and saw my zenful buddies - Jamie, Abby, & Angela! They had just finished a lap and they were chilling out! We hit the trail around 3:00. I am terrible at this first section - it's probably 1/3 of a mile or less and it freaks me out. I have never even attempted to ride it. I get off my bike in anticipation of this section. I started pushing -- and I started pushing before it even required a push! I wipmed out. Just looking at that section was enough for me to bail... K thinks if I would not think about it so much and pick my line, I could glide right through it. Hmmm.... I don't think I have enough testosterone in me to try it though! This hurt my mph average - Pushing at 2-3mph for quite a ways hurts when you're trying to average close to 9 on a climbing trail. Even though I didn't make EVERY single section -- (I pushed here and one section at mile 8 on the black hills part that's pretty technical)-- I did make it through many more sections than I even attempted last time. Which is just enough to make me want to go back for more.

I think I feed off of the least amount of progress. I love getting better at things. Whether it's work-related, fitness level, skill level or whatever -- if I can see the slightest bit of improvement, I crave a little more! I just knew I could not make the longest climb on the course. I have made 2 failed attempts at it in the past. This time K climbed it and I watched intensely so that I could follow his line. Then he came back down to climb it again behind me!!! Brave soul!! I wouldn't want to be anywhere close to me on a technical climb, especially when my confidence level is near zero! But I took off in my next to easiest gear on the back, but still in the middle ring on the front to create a little resistance since I was standing. I dodged the roots on the left, then I dodged the roots on the right which allowed me to keep my speed up just enough to stay clipped in and barely moving. When I finally fought my way to the top (which seemed like eternity) I jumped off the Tassajara, laid her down, and I joined her flat on my bike! Total WUSS! My chest was exploding to the max looking for oxygen and my legs were shaking incontrollably! What a sight!!!! Pure exhaustion!!!! There were several other sections that I was successful on for the first time. Some of them I would look at it and think "You're going down Holly. You realize that. Just DO IT. At least try it. All you can do is just pedal hard and try to pick the most sensible line and do not slow down no matter what or the obstacles will crash you! Pedal, my friend -- PEDAL!!" It was a great feeling and just 1 lap of 8.11 was enough for me. I was SPENT!!!! My clothes were soaked! This was the toughest 8 miles I've ever done. I am dissapointed in my time though - 1:04. That is not what I was hoping for. I was hoping for closer to 1:00 even. Regardless, I am pleased because my effort level stepped up a notch and my confidence is building by leaps and bounds. Even though I am no where near a competitive race pace or skill level, I am making progress. And most of all -- I am having fun. And having fun is really what it's all about :-) Oh... and I almost forgot. No CRASHES!!!! YAY!!

MTB with Protection!!!

I wore knee pads on this mountain bike ride to protect my terribly banged up knees that have NOW knocked me out of doing any marathon training. Thus... the reason I trekked out a 14.5 mile mountain bike ride at AEDC today with K and Jamie!!! I'll post more later on the ride... in the meantime - check out the pics!!!







Ok, so after I've just stuffed my face with a hawaiin ribeye and baked potato, I am back to posting! Jamie and I came to my house and showered and headed to Boskey's! Ah.... what a day! So, it all started with getting up at 8 & letting Hattie out. Then the bed just kept calling for me and I caved in. I mean - dove in! The next thing I know it's 10:50am! YAY! That was good sleep and I loved it and I don't care that I slept the day away....... I'm all for it! So I met Jamie and we headed to the base and met K. The weather was beautiful today! 58 degrees and SUNNY! We rode about 2.8 miles into the trail and Jamie comes walking towards us pushing her bike. She looks rough. Pale. Then she gets sick out on the trail! OMG... poor thing!!! We still have no idea why she was so sick, but she felt better about 10 minutes later and finished the first 8.1 mile loop! Can you say SOLDIER? So we sat around for a few minutes and I finally got K to take me on another loop. This time we did the tougher part of the trail by going right at the fork. This is more technical and way more climbing. I rode HARD!!! I tried to keep him in my sight but it is still slightly impossible. However, one time he stopped at the top of a climb to wait on me and said I was about 1 minute and 15 seconds behind him. Heck... compare that to last year - it was like... a 10 minute wait for him probably! So I am making some progress.

We finished this loop completing 6.4 miles for a total of 14.5 miles for the day averaging 8.0 mph. This second 6 mile loop beat me DOWN! I was fighting for a breath of air just 2 miles into it. My back was aching and I felt smoked from head to toe! I think this is the only way I'm gonna improve though - ride hard pretending to race... even though my pace is not quite up to a race pace. Great news - no crashes. 14.5 miles and not a single crash. There were a couple of near mishaps, but I fought through it! So, even though I didn't actually utilize the knee pads.... I have to admit I felt a bit better about them being on my brickle knees.

Isn't it funny how cycling doesn't irritate my knee at all and it never hurts but running a half mile buckles it under and it shuts down on me? Well... there may be some irritation. It's extremely stiff tonight and not wanting to bend or straighten.